Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Talking to Myself

Who am I talking to when I talk to myself? I don't mean talk out loud, but that running monologue--or is it dialogue?--I have with myself in which I seem to be explaining things, as if to unseen students, or rehearsing what I will say to someone. We all do it, I suppose.

The answser has something to do with the true self, the secret self that no one knows, not even ourselves. That is a mystery to be explored elsewhere.

Maybe the question is, Why do I talk to myself? Am I having an ongoing conversation with God, who alone knows my true self? As I strive for more and more silence, I struggle to quiet that inner voice down, to turn off the tape player in my head which, like Newscrawl on CNN, never stops until I force myself to focus on just one thing and thereby hope for peace of mind.

All of this occurred to me last night as I was trying to fall asleep, and I realized again how difficult, and important, meditation is in the evening before bedtime. I wonder how many other minds are overly busy at night, reviewing and rehearsing things that do not exist since they are either in the past or in the future and so utterly useless and unreal.

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